A Fair Fight

Racism is evil.

Sexual abuse is evil.

Abortion is evil.

I can go on…

Our disconnectedness is evident in how we are fighting amongst ourselves. The horrible occurrences of deaths of black people to the hands of police brutality is evil. Racism is the root of this. Evil is the root of racism. Evil is where there is no good and the evil on is free to travel in the shadow. This shadow appears when we are disconnected from the source of life and light.

The current defacing of religious statues is disrespectful and sacrilegious. It is offensive and painful. As symbols of faith and pillars of tradition, the tearing down of these things brings grief and anger. Those who say that these statues are monuments of white supremacy are not entirely wrong, but there is a disconnect. Those who are horrified by this and voicing it, but haven’t voiced their horror at the evils of racism are being called out. Thats not entirely wrong either.

Are these two things different? It appears there is a selfishness. We don’t fight until it hurts us. Again, we feel we do not belong to one another with God as our source.

Evil is responsible for both these issues. We try to rationalize with our common sense and academic dissection.

There is a lot of evil, meaning there is a disconnect from the good, from the light, from God.

Who is wrong here?

The statues, to some, represent generations of religious propaganda showing sacred figures as white. If you are white, you benefit. If you are of color, you can appreciate the beauty, however, it looks like heaven is reserved for those who are not brown. Again, disconnection. Can we see the pain? Can we see the hypocrisy?

Abortion is wrong. Where does that fit in all of this? Disconnection, nothing connects. There is evil in all these things, and they are multiple conversations – Babel. We are not seeking relationship. We are seeking to prove points. People are dying because of this, we think we have the answers. But do we? Yes, stop the killing. Yes, stop the injustice.

What will we do with what is next? Do we know?

We are fighting unfairly because we are not engaged in the same fight. We are all trying to point out evil and stop it. Maybe one day we will put out all of these fires, but if we do not stop and realize – as we clean up the ashes, there is still the one out there lighting the dry wood.

Let us pray.

The Great Story

I’m not sure if this is quite complete, but for the sake of what it is so far I will post it. I may come back to add to it:

In the beginning, there was a beautiful light who’s love was so strong that rays flowed from it. The light came from the relationship between Father and the son and the son and the Father. Their love for one another was called the Holy Spirit.

There was no darkness in them, only goodness that exuded. Their love was so great they wanted their light to give life to other things. They had beautiful beings of different kinds they called angels who allowed the light to grow bigger in them. In order for them to also share this beautiful loving light, they had to agree to receive it so they can shine.

There was one of the angels who loved the light greatly and saw how great he shined too! The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit saw how much this angel let their loving light shine through him so they gave him more and more so their light could shine brighter and brighter. This angel was even called the Light bearer.

The Light bearer was so full of love, but because he had to choose to open himself up to share this light, he used that choice in the wrong way. He looked at the Father and the Son and The Holy Spirit’s light and he separated himself from it in his mind. He thought he could shine brighter than The Father and the Son and The Holy Spirit’s loving light. When he thought that, he made the choice to think his light was better, but he forgot that he shined so bright because it was The Father and the Son and The Holy Spirit’s light shining through him. He shared this thought with 1/3 of the other angels and all of them refused their connection to God and to the light – they now no longer had that light and because it wasn’t shining in them but , but it still shined on them, they didn’t want the light to touch them because it hurt and the light showed that they were not who they were meant to be. This was called the fall.

The angels were not the only creation that came from the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Their love is so great, and they wanted to share it. The good light that came from them, we call grace, shined on all they created. While their light of love shined and grace flowed, they created a place that parts of them could be shared in what we call creation. When the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit started creating – they called anything they made “creation” because they were the creators. All that they made was a part of them and creation existed because of the light that they gave them existence. They made beautiful things like the sky, and the water, the land, and the trees, the birds and the fish.  All these things were created in what we call the physical world (meaning we can touch and feel and see and use our senses to experience them). Everything created had life, because it came from the light and the light shined on it. The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit created all these things in an order and a perfect way for them to grow and exist. All of these things were beautiful in their light, but they wanted a being made in their image and likeness to take care of these beautiful things together with them, and more than that, to experience the goodness and love they had together and share that love like the angels. So they created what we call, “Man”. Man had the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit’s great love in being created. They also wanted Man to experience this great love of relationship with a being like him, so they made “Woman”.  The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit saw all this and called it good, and he called Man and Woman very good. The Man and Woman were made out of this creation. The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit took the dirt and breathed their life into him, and he became alive or full of life. They also saw that this Man should not be alone and took a piece of him and from it created Woman who was a part of man. The dirt or soil has another name, Adam and the life given to them has another name called Eve – together they were the living soil.

Like the angels, Man and Woman had to choose to live in this light. Because they had the ability to choose, the light of grace, could shine brightly through them and they could be creators with this light. In order to give them a chance to use this choice, he gave them everything in creation to take care of – but told them not to take the fruit of one tree they had made. This was so Man and Woman could choose the good and let the light shine so great through them. They lived in creation and creation was everything good because of the light of grace that always touched it and gave it life.

The fallen angels, especially the one who was the Light Bearer, saw all of this and was jealous. They did not like that The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirits love gave light to this creation, and more than anything they hated that God loved the Man and Woman so much. Because the angels could not live in the spiritual world with God, they tried to avoid the light of their love as much as possible. The one who was the Light Bearer who was now called the devil, saw that the Man and Woman also had the choice that he had. He saw that he could take control of what The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit had created and hide away from their light if the Man and Woman could bring darkness into creation. So he found a way to tempt them to make the choice he made, to separate from the light.

When the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit created, they did with a plan for all these things. Each thing created had its place in the order of the all of creation. The birds flew, the fish swam, the trees grew and bore fruit – everything had its place. The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit freely walked through this great creation with Man and Woman. The light of love poured out on all of the creation so that it had what we call life. This life is what allowed creation to continue to do what it was created for – in the light of the creator. The light that flowed from the Father and the Son and The Holy Spirit is what allowed these things to be fully what they were and made for. God is the source of LIFE, so to live is to be connected to the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit. To die is to be disconnected or not have relationship from the source of life.

Adam and Eve were fully in The Father and the Son and The Holy Spirit’s presence amongst all of creation and enjoyed relationship with him and with each other.  They were of course his creation- so relationship with him allowed them to be fully who they were designed to be.

Common Union

When will we realize we are in this together. This sounds so cliché. I’ve been reflecting on a few verses in scripture. The first one is from Genesis Chapter 1:26-27 …

Then God said: Let us make^* human beings in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the tame animals, all the wild animals, and all the creatures that crawl on the earth. God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female^* he created them.

If you look at the and reflect on it, there is no individual here. In fact, nothing stands alone. God speaks of himself as OUR likeness. Mankind was in his image. God is not singular, he is plural. In God is relationship. A relationship of the Father and the Son. That relationship is love. That Love is the Holy Spirit. From that relationship flows light, energy, grace… language is limiting. God is more than a single person.

It also goes on to say, mankind was created in that image. Again, nothing individual here. If the image of God is relationship, wouldn’t mankind be that too. Even the word image requires some sort of relationship. An image cannot be seen and observed on its own, something must receive the light that comes from the image to the eye. There’s relationship there. In these times, we think of ourselves being made in the image and likeness. But we are more than ourselves -we are more than a single person.

The next scripture that I think of is from Genesis 11:1-9.

The whole world had the same language and the same words.2When they were migrating from the east, they came to a valley in the land of Shinar^* and settled there.3They said to one another, “Come, let us mold bricks and harden them with fire.” They used bricks for stone, and bitumen for mortar.4Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the sky,^* and so make a name for ourselves; otherwise we shall be scattered all over the earth.”

5The LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the people had built.6Then the LORD said: If now, while they are one people and all have the same language, they have started to do this, nothing they presume to do will be out of their reach.7Come, let us go down and there confuse their language, so that no one will understand the speech of another.8So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city.9That is why it was called Babel,^* because there the LORD confused the speech of all the world. From there the LORD scattered them over all the earth.

I used to wonder why God scattered them. Then I realized that mankind had almost figured it out. They were working together. They had a common goal. But there was not a union. Their goal was to build a tower to the heavens and to make a name for themselves. They were doing this without God. God had already given them a name, yet they were trying to do it on their own- not connected to the source of life. Sounds like a lot of what we are aiming towards today. Unity, tolerance, – but without God, what good is it?

The last scripture I would like to touch on is titled, The Prayer of Jesus in John 17…

The Prayer of Jesus.^*1When Jesus had said this, he raised his eyes to heaven^* and said, “Father, the hour has come. Give glory to your son, so that your son may glorify you,^a2^* just as you gave him authority over all people,^b so that he may give eternal life to all you gave him.3^* Now this is eternal life,^c that they should know you, the only true God, and the one whom you sent, Jesus Christ.4I glorified you on earth by accomplishing the work that you gave me to do.5Now glorify me, Father, with you, with the glory that I had with you before the world began.^d

6“I revealed your name^* to those whom you gave me out of the world. They belonged to you, and you gave them to me, and they have kept your word.7Now they know that everything you gave me is from you,8because the words you gave to me I have given to them, and they accepted them and truly understood that I came from you, and they have believed that you sent me.9I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for the ones you have given me, because they are yours,^e10and everything of mine is yours and everything of yours is mine, and I have been glorified in them.^f11And now I will no longer be in the world, but they are in the world, while I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one just as we are.12When I was with them I protected them in your name that you gave me, and I guarded them, and none of them was lost except the son of destruction, in order that the scripture might be fulfilled.^g13But now I am coming to you. I speak this in the world so that they may share my joy completely.^h14I gave them your word, and the world hated them, because they do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world.ⁱ15^* I do not ask that you take them out of the world^j but that you keep them from the evil one.16They do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world.17Consecrate them in the truth. Your word is truth.^k18As you sent me into the world, so I sent them into the world.^l19And I consecrate myself for them, so that they also may be consecrated in truth.

20“I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in me through their word,21so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me.^m22And I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are one,23I in them and you in me, that they may be brought to perfection as one, that the world may know that you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me.24Father, they are your gift to me. I wish that where I am^* they also may be with me, that they may see my glory that you gave me, because you loved me before the foundation of the world.ⁿ25Righteous Father, the world also does not know you, but I know you, and they know that you sent me.^o26I made known to them your name and I will make it known,^* that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them.”

Again, there is no single entity. In our time there are people who seek to create a communist environment, where all are cared for and there is not individual attainment. I believe this is an error, but still an incomplete longing for the same purpose of the error at Babel. Mankind has in its nature the desire to connect, to socialize, to commune. But without God it is communist, and their is no greater call. We are not of this ideal, we are a COMMUNION. We exist in this world as persons, just as the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit are distinct persons yet they have a COMMUNION. Do we not realize that we are all persons made in that same image, in that same likeness. Do we not realize that we belong to each other, not for our own individual sake, but because this is the key to us being one with the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

The evil one seeks to create division. Not by identifying race, not by identifying inequality – but by making us believe that we are correct in our desires and opinions that say I belong here, and you belong there, and if you just joined me and my thought we could build something great together. It appears we still haven’t learned. We can’t build or fight for something that is communal, or to merely coexist. We are called to belong to each other – with God as our source. And what is God but an overflowing of love and relationship. Is that possible for us?

Mother’s Day

Today is Mother’s Day 2020. We have had an order to stay-in-place for about two months now. The world is growing frustrated. Conspiracy theories are swirling. People are dying. Families are also coming together. New ways of community are popping up. Celebrations pass by (literally in cars). Home and work lines are blurred.

Since my last post there have been quite a few changes in my life. My father passed on December 17, 2017 after several years of losing himself to vascular dementia. In that process, I’ve learned to heal our relationship. He wasn’t a very vocal or affectionate man. Most of the things he would share with me were short and shallow. I love you wasn’t common in my home. As the disease started to strip parts of him away, I noticed the core of him shining through. He called for me. He was sad when I wouldn’t respond. He said I love you. We held hands. I miss him.

Before I stepped in the shower this morning, I took a look at myself. I’ve been working out for almost a year, some weeks more than others. Since the quarantine, I’ve found myself working out much more. I noticed the change in my body, even though my weight didn’t reflect it.  I was able to see my c-section scar more clearly.  As I showered I reflected on that scar. It dawned on me that all of my living children passed through that wound. At the same time, all my heavenly children passed through what is called the birth canal – although not to their birth but to their death. It’s ironic and so sad.

I started visiting a Catholic therapist who has helped me to see myself as a recipient of God’s mercy and love. I hesitated because I wanted to say worthy, but I’m not, and in fact none of us are. But God sees us, and not because we earned anything, but because God is God and it is his love that gave and gives us life that we live – that we are asked by him to be open to his Love and Mercy.

 

GUEST POST: Lord, Let Us See Your Face | Simbang Gabi, Day 2

Blessed to be a part of this project. Jessica is an amazing woman of God and I’m blessed to call her my friend. Jessica and I also share the same Godmother. I told our Godmother she must have strong prayers!

Leaven in the World

BY LAURALYN SOLANO

DAY 2: Lord, Let Us See Your Face | Saturday of the 2nd Week of Advent | 12.16.17

Take a look at the readings for today here. Today’s reflection is based on the first reading and the psalm. For an overview and introduction of the reflections for all nine nights, go here.

1. Sirach 48: 1-11. In those days, like a fire there appeared the prophet Elijah whose words were as a flaming furnace.
2. Psalm 80: 2-19. Lord, make us turn to you; let us see your face and we shall be saved.
3. Matthew 17:9-13. The Coming of Elijah

It was November of 1997, and I was a mess. I was fresh out of my teens having just turned twenty years old. I was also a single, unemployed, depressed mother of a brand new baby girl. It was also a time of great mercy, however, it…

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Checking your source(s)

Around 4th or 5th grade we are introduced to writing papers in school.  As we progress in academics, one thing emphasized is to make sure we are using reputable sources in our research.  We are given lessons on choosing appropriate, credible sources to the information we use to form our own thoughts on subject matters.  We learn that not everything we hear or read is accurate, and we must be diligent in our research to be sure that we are quoting or referencing something that is true.

Reflecting on today’s readings on the Solemnity of the Epiphany of the Lord, made me think about the source of our own lives. The first reading from Isaiah proclaims the coming of the Lord.  He tells Jerusalem to “Rise up in splendor, the Light has come!  Raise your eyes and look about.”  This brings a picture of people today with their heads bowed down.  Unfortunately, most are not contemplating on the light of God dwelling within them, instead their focus is coming from the light of their phone.  Not that using a cell phone is a bad thing, but when it becomes our reference, our source of information and we form our thoughts and actions from what we read or watch from this digital light – it becomes our source.  Can good come from it?  If we unite it to the light of Christ, then yes. But many times that isn’t the case.

All the readings today connect to this amazing event, the discovery of Jesus by the Magi.  The fulfillment of the the prophecy in Isaiah and the psalm.  Every nation on earth will adore you! The light guided them to Christ!  The source of all things, came to us, to be one of us and show us the true light.

Today is a great reminder to be more diligent than our english teacher in checking our sources.  What is our source that we refer to in living our lives.  Is it reputable?  Is it credible?  Is it true?

Something about being broken…

 

Well, it’s been a long while since the last time I blogged.  If there was some way I could take the crazy journey that I’ve been on and throw it into words – I would.  All I can really say right now is that GOD IS GOOD!  It was dark, he told me to trust him, he told me the storm was huge and scary and could kill me, but he told me to trust him…so I did.

My hope is that I’ll continue to write and slowly share my story as I go along.  That way I don’t feel the need to tackle the mountain of unwritten blessings and make them into flesh.

So I’ll start with now- Yesterday I had the awesome opportunity to speak to ~60+ women at a women’s retreat at the Newman Center where I work.  The theme of the retreat was Self-Worth and my particular talk was in reference to 2Corinthians 12:9 which says, “ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Oh man, was this the verse for me.

I shared my testimony of pain, hurt, suffering, and brokenness.  I’ve shared my story many times before, but this time was different.  On my way to the retreat I was so nervous, and I wasn’t sure why.  It really hit me when I got there; these girls were the age I was when my soul died.  My story includes abortion, violence, depression, murder, and so much hurt.

For almost an hour I spoke, and as I spoke I was blessed to see what God was doing with me.  How my years of pain were not in vain.  How the death of my children did not end there.  I was able to see the most amazing thing- He was glorified through the ugliness of my sin.  That sin, that brokenness in me was the opening for His mercy to flow!  It was also an opportunity for the girls to see the brokenness in them and in others around them and realize that the broken parts of them don’t have to remain a void; and painful chasm in their soul, but an amazing blessing of room for God to pour out his grace and mercy.

Ashes To Ashes

My whole life I feel like I was always trying to find a way to make things consistent, to have some sort of structure.  Unfortunately, the only thing that is a constant right now is that I have to wake up every morning at 6am to get my family ready, fed, and out the door.  Everything else seems like chaos.  I started writing this blog because I spent quite a bit of time contemplating and receiving different thoughts, visions, ideas and I felt that it was important to put these things down in writing…to make the thoughts and words become flesh or something permanent.  As you can see, my last entry was sometime in September of last year.  So much for my dedication.  You can probably tell that I also have a problem with self-love and depression.

Today is an awesome day.  Taking a step back, and trying to take in the big picture, we can see how grand and beautiful God is for giving us this time, this day, this season.  I’ve spent a lot of time this past year very spiteful.  My family and I, (husband and kids) moved into our own place after living with my parents while we finished up our college degrees.  Having graduated in August, I expected to have a job by now.  I don’t.  I’ve been so stressed about money, paying rent, utilities, food, things for the kids.  I became or have become so angry that I dedicated so much to God, but deep down inside I loathed myself because I always felt like I could do more to spread the gospel.  Only problem was that I was not living the gospel.  Anyway, the days being at home with my 4 and 2 year old were taking a toll on me.  I hardly slept, spent so much time trying to establish structure in the house, trying to not look lazy, trying not to fall into depression – but in the end I ended up where I didn’t want to be.  I ended up filling my time with netflix and random internet searches in between searching for jobs.  I became so full and weighed down.  Fast forward to today>>> Ash Wednesday.  How good is God?  He knows that we go through life accumulating crap that bogs us down.  He knows that we lose sight and stray because of the excess things that weigh us down.  LENT!  This is a season where we practice fasting, almsgiving, and prayer – not for the act in itself, but to benefit us.  The suffering we experience burns off things that we have accumulated, that had we died, the fires of purgatory would have to burn them off in order for us to be whole and without blemish before Him.

So, today I am praying that somehow, my will allows His will to work in my life.

Purgatory

Purgatory is a bone of contention amongst different Christian groups.  I believe the source of the problem is our view on God.  We (humans) tend to view God from our own point of view.  While we will never be completely able to understand how God works, we can contemplate on His attributes and revelation.  First thing to understand is that God is, He just is.  There is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, He just IS or BE’s.  Kinda hard to grasp right?  I like to use the sun as an example.  Although there was a beginning to the sun and there will be an end to the sun, in our lifetime, the sun has always existed.  We can say, “The sun is shining”, but more accurately, “The sun shines.”  I say this because the sun just shines, it can’t stop shining (I know it can eventually, but for the sake of argument).  Understanding this, God just is, He cannot stop being, He just exists.  We also know that God is light, so in a sense, like the sun, God shines.  His love, His light, it just continues to express.  Nothing adds or takes away from Him.  We were intended to always be recipients of the light, to live in the light.  So think of this light in the center, and us, like glass (st. Therese gives a great explanation of this too), benefiting from this light shining through us.  The light is full of peace, love, joy and as long as we align ourselves with the light, we experience all the goodness.  When we turn our direction and move our gaze from this light, we do not benefit from the light completely.  The uneven exposure to the light, creates a shadow, creates a burn mark or such.  God didn’t do it, we did when we turned from His gaze.  He just continues to love, to shine. That dark spot now, creating a shadow, a place where light cannot get through, becomes a place where things can become attached, where things can grow, where things can hide.  The light however, continues to shine, so that dark spot, feels the burn.  The more heavy that darkness, the more likely the soul moves to alleviate the pain, only to produce more dark spots on the soul.  This soul can be cleansed though, turning to the light, repenting, turning around and going to the light, the darkness can be washed away.  It is the duty of the soul however, to keep in line with the light, to remove whatever shifted its focus so that it doesn’t fall into the same situation.  This is a corporal act of mercy.  Now, if this soul has a physical death, and it still has dark spots, the soul is completely before God but not able to allow God to shine completely.  It is required the the soul be purged, and the dark spots burned off.  The soul is still in the presence of God, and able to experience the joy of the light, however, it must be cleansed to be Holy and immaculate before God.  Even just a mustard seed of light getting through will allow the soul to be cleansed. If this soul was completely covered, no light able to get through, then the soul cannot experience the goodness of God, only the burning from the light.  God has not changed, he still loves, He still shines, only this time, the soul is so attached that when the light hits it it just burns.  That is hell.

God in his infinite goodness always will love, we however must respond in that love too, and allow His light and love to shine through us.  We are all connected, if we cast a shadow on another, we are responsible for the lack of light.

*picture found on : http://cdni.wired.co.uk/1920×1280/k_n/Light.jpg

Depression

It’s been a couple weeks since the death of Robin Williams.  Time is moving forward, and the hype surrounding his death is slowly settling down.  There was much debate over the handling of his suicide.  This was my little thought on it…

o I tried two times to commit suicide. I thought about it many more times than that. I know that if I had access to a gun during those dark times I wouldn’t be here to type these words. Depression sucks. It sucks your hope, your dreams, your life, your love. Do I think Robin Williams chose to die? Well, no one else tied the belt around his neck. However, we don’t know what led him to that dark place. I see his pictures and I see his eyes, and I see myself. I see someone hoping that someone knew the answers, knew how to put a name or label to the pain deep down inside of me that I don’t even know myself. What is this constant knocking telling me that I am not good enough, I am not worth anything, I cannot contribute anything. At this stage the person is deep into the garden and the serpent is right there offering freedom and answer to the questions. The light is almost completely extinguished in this person. Some are able to see this mustard seed of light and manage their way to it. Some just get lost in the darkness. God has always given us a choice. Nothing is added or taken away from God right? But after the choice…what? Go on living, for what. A person in this much darkness REALLY needs the support and guidance of those who have the light. If people who claim to be part of the light, then they have the responsibility to shine that light on those who don’t have it. Not to qualify them or judge them if they are worthy of the light that I possess. We weren’t told to give the light, God took care of that. We were told to share the light, to let it shine, to not cover it up. Live your life in the light so it reaches others. That way, when someone in the dark has to make that “choice”, they know that choosing life isn’t just a continuation of crying in the dark, rather, a future full of life, full of hope because they have seen testimony in those who are in the light. Rest in peace Mr. Williams, I don’t celebrate what you did, but I am thankful for God’s ability to still use you even in your death.

I’ve been feeling the darkness trying to creep in lately.  I know that the answer is deep inside of me, the light, that light, His light.  Brining it out isn’t always easy, especially because we try to do it on our terms.  We don’t take the time and patience to allow God to permeate our being.  This fast paced, instant gratification, of a society makes slowing down and silence difficult to deal with.  Even as I write this I want to stop and go to sleep.  So i switch over and read what’s going on in the twittersphere.  I wake up, and switch back.  Yup I want to sleep.  Hmmm…